Generally I’m a pacifist, but I’d wring your neck in a New York minute.
You’ve caused me nothing but misery. From the endless obsessing over my appearance to pouting about not getting a party invite to staying with boys I didn’t love because I couldn’t stand the idea that they could live without me.
You’re conceited and self absorbed and selfish. You’re all the things I work so hard not to be. When I’m trying to be the best version of me, you bring me down with some petty concern. Yeah, that girl at the gym has a better ass than I do – so what?
You’re shortsighted and irrational. You make me angry about things that aren’t my issue. You put me on the offense over imagined slights. You leave me prickly with jealousy when someone else gets what I want.
You make me obsess over every single goddamn photo of me that’s ever been taken, then play social media censor police, track down those that are unflattering and beg to be untagged. Seriously?! These people know what I look like!
You invent unproductive, negative and utterly illogical thoughts and use them to drive me into depression. No, I’m not lazy or fat or stupid or hopeless. NO.
You label me. You lock me up in a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed box that berates me endlessly about who I’m supposed to be and how I’m supposed to look and what I’m supposed to have. And you label everyone else, too.
You don’t want me to be happy. You want me to want more – to never be content or satisfied or serene but to long for bigger, better, skinnier, smarter, richer, funnier, BETTER. Just better. Never good enough, always better.
You’re useless, and I will do everything in my power to evolve to the point where you no longer have any control over me. You’re my worst enemy. And you’re not even real.
I’m not there yet. I can still feel you scratching endlessly at my insides, slithering your way into my consciousness and keeping me from being one with the perfect present moment.
Eckhart Tolle once said of you: “The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.”
I see you, ego. I’m aware of you. And therefore, you’re on your way out.