Depression is a mean girl.

Depression is a relentless bitch. Call her the Regina George of mental illness, she’s always there to give you a sharp kick with her stilettos when you’re already groveling on the ground. Scheming and malicious and cruel, she’s the frenemy you can’t seem to shake — the evil harlot you simultaneously loathe and desperately want to impress.

She gets into your brain and under your skin. “Toxic relationships for 1,000, Alex.”

Like Dexter with his trusty syringe, she’ll launch a surprise attack that’ll take you from standing tall to fetal position in no time. Think you can escape her? Run away and hide? Think again. Seemingly innocuous situations are when she does her best work. Brain blitzkriegs.

Her pet names for you are loser, fatty, whore. And just when you think you’re free from her manipulating prattle, she’ll squirm her way back in. She’ll chime in to drown out anything positive, reminding you you’re worthless and ugly and btw that skirt you’re wearing is f-ing hideous.

She’s the ultimate frenemy, and your relationship is dangerously co-dependent. Like any good frenemy would, she’s always there to remind you that everything is hopeless, no one likes you and you might as well give up. Sometimes she’s more surreptitious than others, sneaking in unannounced when your life seems to be humming along happily.

Like Karen, she’s a bit of a half-wit. She’ll dispute even the most compelling evidence, spouting an onslaught of nonsense. And you’ll believe her.

Like Gretchen, she’s got a reserve of pent-up anger that’s extra scary when it rears its ugly head.

And like Cady, she can manipulate you, stealthily slip a knife in your back and trick you into gaining 30 pounds.

No matter how she manifests herself, you can count on her ever-present opinion: everything you’ve ever done, are doing or will do, is wrong.

She’s the relentless voice, always there to remind you: “Stop trying to make happiness happen. It’s not going to happen!”

But, like any mean girl worth her weight in Kalteen bars — she can theoretically teach you a thing or two … if you can survive her victimization long enough to learn the lessons.  Because if depression doesn’t kill you, she’ll sure as hell make you stronger.

It might take you years to get over the torment, but should you rise from the ashes, you’ll be a force of nature.

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2 Responses

  1. Michele says:

    I love this post! I’ve been battling so many things the past few years and depression has been the most difficult. I’d rather battle breast cancer again than fight with this bitch. However, I have noticed that since I befriended my frenemy, she’s a little more quiet and manageable. Resistance is futile! Quit fighting and things get better. Now, the world better get ready for me;) Thanks for sharing!

    • Shirking Conventions says:

      I love your attitude Michele! 🙂 Rock on! I couldn’t agree more — what you resist, persists, and sometimes accepting negative emotion is the key to its departure. Thanks for reading and your kind words. 😉

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